So I haven't heard back from Natalie yet. I'm not really sure if she didn't like the letter or just doen't want to talk to me. Hopefully she will eventually want to talk, if not, then that would really suck. I may try to contact her when I go home next week, so I guess I will see then.

So today while I was tallying up grades for my students I went read one of the extra credit surveys that they can take online. Some of the questions were related to how well the TA did at teaching. I have seen these in the past, but they were only numbers 1-5 as to how well you did. Well today I discovered a different part were they can leave comments, annonymously of course. I don't know why, but I got kinda depressed when I read some of them. There were more good ones than bad, but the bad ones I read just made me feel like crap. I don't know why I care so much about what others think of me, but I do. Somehow I need to accept the fact that not everyone will like me now matter what I do. I guess part of it is that the comments touched upon things that I don't like about myself in general.

Over the past few weeks I have been checking out match.com. Suprisingly, I found a few christian women and have started emailing one of them. She really seems like what I am looking for in someone. I just don't like that fact that she lives in Springfield. Why can't I find anyone I want to date in B/N? Anyways...since I have a wedding to go to in springfield on Jan 7, I may try to meet up with her while I'm down there. I'm trying not to expect much, since the odds of us hitting it off is slim.

On Saturday two of friends decided to make a big dinner and invite everyone over. It was a blast getting to hang out with friends, playing trivial pursuit, and having a snowball fight. Until all of our cars got towed because of where we parked. The $85 to get my car back really sucked. It really put a damped on a wonderful night.

So last night I decided to write a letter to Natalie. There were a few things that I didn't tell her when we broke up, and I felt that I owed it to her to tell her how I felt about everything. I was surprised at how easy it was to write, which was probably because I had been talking with my counselor for so long that I was already clear about how a felt. I'm not really sure how she will respond to the letter. I'm sure she will call me out on one or two things, but I really hope that it will help her understand why I felt that things needed to end. Maybe it will start conversation again that will eventually lead to friendship? At least she won't be able to respond until after I have taken my huge final on Wed. I will be so glad once that is over.

Well the only word that can describe how things went with my gf is HORRIBLE. Instead of telling her that we needed to talk on Friday night, I wussed out and said that I would go to a musical with her on Sat. night. So after having a good time at the musical, somehow the subject got brought up and we ended things. I acted like a complete buthole. The whole night I acted like everything was fine, holding hands, etc. She was very surprised and made me feel guilty about it (which i should) and also made me feel really selfish because of the things that she said about why I wanted things to end. I still feel horrible about the way that things went. I know that the decision was the right one for the long run, but it was really difficult to do right now. I think that I'm going to take a long hiatus from women for a while. Hopefully she will eventually want to be friends again. I can't even imagine not being her friend anymore.